Tactile Comfort.....

I learned a technique to help with panic attacks several years ago. It was quite effective strangely enough and it would appear my brain is seeking the comfort of it again. The tecnique involves touch.

I used to walk into shopping centres and totally freak out.
I mean I would feel like everyone was looking at me, judging, criticizing....I would sometimes even end up hearing the words..."look at her...look at her" being whispered by the passing crowd....it would gradually become more and more like a choir of this phrase...being chanted over and over until it would drive me to turn and literally run...frantic...to the comfort of my car.

Now some may say this is a  scizophrenic type of experience....hearing voices....and maybe it was, I am not sure. But the physical impact was quite amazing. My pulse rate would increase to approx 150-180....I couldn't breathe....I would become drenched in perspiration....I would end up literally feeling what seemed to be GALLONS of adrenaline being released into my system.....it was as if some invisible hand was winding up a giant spring inside me and when it couldn't be any tighter.....it would release and I would end up fleeing to the comfort of my car and then home. To give you another indication of the physical effects...I once had such a frightening reaction I actually took myself to the emergency department at the Tweed Heads Hospital. My blood pressure....which is normally in the vicinity of 110 over 65/70....was measured at 200 over 110!!!!!!! It subsided fairly quickly....but was quite an experience while it was happening.

Needless to say I sought help. Now for technique I mentioned...

When I was entering a situation that would generally make me feel threatened...I had to hold/touch/feel some object....like a shopping trolley...my hand bag....my phone...something familiar. Now just holding it isnt enough of course.....I had to then explore the item with my hands...read it if you will. I would close my eyes and just explore what was in my hands and make a mental list of all the noticable characteristics of whatever I was touching. It would go something like this...
Hmm...my phone....it feels smooth on the back....ahh and there are the buttons on the keypad....I can feel every individual key....it fits into my hand quite well....I can feel its weight....its shape....I am familiar with it....it is something I know.

Well to bring us to present time....I realised I am sort of doing this sort of thing again now.

I am drinking any cold beverage from a wine glass. It feels right. I started doing this on Day 3....because it just didn't feel right using a tumbler to drink my diet cola and juice. The thing is I didn't realise WHY I was doing it. The answer is....comfort....something familiar...the way the wine glass FEELS in my hand.....the shape of the stem...and base....the coolness of the glass....the weight of it and how it balances in my hand.

Luckily I have the reputation of being somewhat of an individual, some may say a tad eccentric haha...and the sight of me sipping cola from a nice fine wine glass is not out of place. And quite frankly...I don't really give two hoots what others may think.....this is working for me and it is not detrimental to my lifestyle...so if you ever see a middle aged woman sitting at the bar of a pub with a can of Diet Coke and a wine glass next to her.....it is probably me.

Have I regressed back to a child-like state and need a pacifier you ask? Maybe...possibly...but in any case it is working. It is a simple way of instantly creating the comfort of familiarity. My brain recognises the sensations of touch...recognises that I am holding a wine glass....and it is enough to satisfy my subconcious that things are progressing as normal....no need to panic.

I have even decided that on my birthday....I will be toasting my achievements and success in surviving 48 years....by sipping my diet cola....from a champagne flute:)...hmm....I may even stick a strawberry on the lip of the flute too!!!