About a month ago I heard someone give the definition of insanity. I can't remember if it was on TV or what, but it did stick in my head. I had heard it before....but as they say....'when the student is ready, the teacher appears'.
The definition of insanity is repeating the same behaviours over and over again and expecting a different result.
Now of course this is quite obvious if the behaviour you happen to be exhibiting at the time is hitting yourself of the head with a hammer....however, we do other things that are just as detrimental to ourselves. Things that are sometimes invisible and driven by fear, sadness, anger, happiness...we can even change our thoughts and beliefs in ourselves and in doing so, may as well grab a hammer and start bashing.
I thought about the definition for a couple of days. I mentally travelled back through my past and pin pointed the times I had been 'insane'. I don't mean a fluctuation in my Bipolar when I say insane....I mean insane in the sense of making stupid choices repeatedly.
This process helped me get to today....sober for 16 days...and yet always aware of the dangers of regression. It is this awareness that enabled me to field a phone call yesterday in which it was suggested that I re-connect with a person from my past. For the first time in my life there was no inner struggle...no feelings of guilt and shame....no desperate need to belong....no fear of lonliness...just a fierce indignation that NO WAY
was I going to even approach that door to my past.
The past....by definition is the past. And if insanity is the definition of repeating the past......well I am now officially SANE!
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