The beginning of day 3...

Hmm I am noticing I am sleeping better. Quite strange to think a week ago the only way I could get to sleep was after several glasses of 'Chateaux De Cardboard' wine...
and of course the bleary, thickheaded blahhhhhhh feeling would follow each morning...the progression between the two states interspersed with tossing and turning, itching, hot flushes and much discomfort. This morning however, I awoke after a restful 8 hour sleep with no memorable waking...ohh and no nightmares either!!

Now I am also noticing that my mood has escalated slightly too....nothing dangerous of course...but speaking quicker and more incessantly...laughing more too...(I am reminded of my first stay in a psych ward at the 'laughing more' remark. The psychiatrist in charge...who's name I cannot remember...was assessing me after being a patient for 2 weeks. He suggested to me that I was laughing more as I was slightly hysterical LOL)
However at this present time there is no hysteria at all.....just a light feeling of relief and the burning of desire within me to change myself...this is a fire I haven't felt for years. The difference this time is that I am recognising all the repeated mistakes of my past...BEFORE I blunder down any of the well worn paths of self delusion, destruction and loathing.

I hereby give myself to permission to keep moving forward ( lol thanks Julia Gillard for that memorable phrase ) along this road which has never felt my footsteps before. I will allow myself to feel proud of my achievements along the way. I will allow myself to feel fear at times when faced with challenges alone without my crutch of booze. I will open my eyes to any new experiences I have and yet I will assess them and judge them using my awareness of my bad choices of the past and the awareness of my ablities gained through experience.

So I awake this morning, soaking in the new day and new feelings. I look ahead and see a whole new set of potential destinations...the only way to see familiar ones is to look back, where I have been...I choose instead to look forward into the future and I will reflect on the past through memory rather than reliving it.