I am liking who I am becoming. I mean if I bumped into me while out, as a stranger and started up a conversation. I believe I would recognise a person who has had many experiences and has a really secure hold on reality. I would like this person and want to get to know them better.
I have read pages and pages of inspirational writings, sat through hours and hours of discussion with psychologists over the years. Sometimes for help with personal problems and sometimes to learn how to understand successful management techniques when I was working. I have been bombarded with cliches by my Mother, Sister and many many friends, and must confess I have jumped on invisible soapboxes and quoted many myself.
However, if I push all the 'talk' aside, and truly acknowledge my feelings, beliefs and actions, it seems that there has been a massive shift of gears in my mind, heart and soul. It's not unsettling this change, in fact it is comforting.
This time the fearful fog of doubt is missing from my way of thinking. The 'but what if's' are gone. For example, if I go out where alcohol is being served, I just don't want any. I don't care what other people do in their lives, that is their choice and I am under no obligation whatsoever to comply with anyone else's decisions or choices. Only my own and I like it. In fact I love it.
But it goes far deeper than just alcohol. It permeates throughout all of me. All of my choices are just that, mine and I recognise now that the exact second I consider obliging others in their choices, I can actually feel it. I can actually feel the change within me and I know now, where that can lead. It leads me away from myself and I don't want to do that, because I know I would miss me. I don't need to 'fit in' to other's worlds, I need only to be at peace in my own.
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