It's been 4 years, and in that time I seem to have buried dealing with it fully in the day to day living experience. In hindsight, and this is purely conjecture on my part at this time, I stuck with living with 'familiar' things rather than totally confronting the newness and sadness of him no longer being alive.
I nearly wrote 'with me' then, but changed it because he will always be with me :)
This anniversary is actually one of the reasons I decided to stop drinking. I can remember how proud he was when I made my first attempt. Now I want to feel my own pride to honor his memory.
Strangely though, I am not feeling the 'sting' of needing a drink this time. 5 years ago it was soooo hard. This time it just feels more 'normal'. I feel more comfortable despite everything that is happening around me.
Rather than question this, I choose to just live it. I choose to enjoy it.
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