I feel like I am a Thousand years old tonight. Soooo tired.
It seems that physical work and activity doesn't wear me out, its the mental, emotional stuff that does. I had to have a small ride on the merry go round of decision making the other day...all in all it amounted to 24 hours of flashbacks and old fears all smashing into my newfound peace and comfort with myself.
I am happy to announce, that at the end of it all.....for the first time in my sober life....I decided that my own wellbeing came first. I suddenly realised that the benefits of my lifestyle choices now are too sacred to risk losing them. The interesting thing was that I actually recognised that my own peace is directly related to others'.....now this is going to be hard to explain without telling an entire story which I really don't want to get into....this is not the venue for it....however, in any case, had I made a different decision it would have directly and indirectly affected those that I have much respect and love for and opened up the possibility of us all feeling more tension and stress than necessary at an already emotionally charged time.
Physically I feel exhausted and I am sure that for the first time in my life, my whole body is actually more used to peace and happiness than stress, fear and anger. Which is why sudden upsurges in adrenaline seem to be followed by a total crash. Well that is my theory and I am happy with it for now LOL
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