62 DAYS!!!!

Two months sober!!! FANTASTIC :)

It seems like such a short time when I type it, and yet in other ways it seems like a Decade! It has taken this amount of time to reach my current place, one where I am so much calmer, oh and thinner of course lol ( I have now lost a total of 21KG!!!


Given my pre-disposition to mind wandering, I am discovering a whole new side to my ability to understand human nature and behaviours...and the more I find the more fascinated I become. I have lost count of the number of times the thought, "wow, I wonder why he/she/they did that, or said that?" And yes I started practising this line of questioning as a way of finding out why 'I' react to things the way I do.

I am sort of applying a sales technique, asking open questions (eg: why, who, where, what, how..) to quickly get to the matter at hand. It goes something like this...

I feel different.
How do I feel?
What made me feel this way now?
When have I felt like this before?
How did I react then?
What result did it bring?
Was it a good result?
How could I improve it?

Sounds silly I suppose, but it definitely brings some bizarre answers and outcomes. The first and most major benefit is that it stops the reflexive action of 'judgement'. Ahh judgement...the maker of kings LOL. For example a defense mechanism built into all humans is how we quite easily form opinions of others in a quest to make ourselves feel somehow better. I used to be a walking example of executing this upon others all the time...because of my own feelings of insecurity. In truth it manifests into a whirlpool of criticism, narrow-mindedness, denial and further self doubt. It seems to me that the only end result of this behaviour is never-ending failure. The reason for this is that you lose sight of the good and only focus on the bad. It is a self destructive path with no solutions, no results apart from more and more negativity.

So if I apply my questions, instead of opinions, I can actually 'discover' a more truthful picture, whether it is one I like or not. If it is something I don't like, I can then disengage.

I have even gone so far as to define which emotions drive my thought patterns...and if it is happening to me, then it must happen to everyone. I have found that most of my own extreme reactions are prompted by either confusion, fear or insecurity....or a combination of all three, as in most cases as they seem to be interwoven.
This of course is directly affected by our instinctive 'fight or flight' response.  Amazing....just amazing. It is as if I have been given a new set of eyes and I am seeing a whole new view of the world.

Now I am not claiming to be some almighty prophet or solver of the world's problems.....I am just trying to find a way to live each day with a minimum of confusion, fear, anger and distrust.....I am trying to dial up the quantity of peace and harmony within myself....and little by little it is working.

The habits of a lifetime are hard to change...but I can feel it happening. I am slowly moving from unconciously reacting....to concious reasoning.....and trying to make informed decisions.

Let me tell you....it feels sooooo much better :)