Time for a stocktake......

Well it certainly has been a bizarre, stimulating, exciting, scary, inspiring time since the 6th February...


I feel like I am living in a totally new body...and I suppose I am really...because I have just purchased jeans in size 10!! The last time I was this size I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown, worked 7 days a week for 4 months (min 12hrs a day)....I was quite ill mentally as well as physically...so as soon as I rested for a week my weight quickly came back to my normal level.

Now however...I can happily report that life is quite awesome for me at the moment and I am probably the healthiest I have ever been.

Mentally I am in a place of such peace, clarity and comfort...at first it felt quite alien to me...but I have quickly adjusted LOL. I have blogged previously how protective I am of my newfound state of mind...and as I read my posts from then, I realise I was quite aggresive in my defence.....this has now progressed to a firm assertiveness.

I am starting to become more and more able to wrangle my emotions and the spontaneous behaviours they produce....rather than spinning straight off the road into negative thoughts...I now have progressed from stopping and analyzing each and every thought and logically validating or discarding them...to being able to trust it is just happening and recognising it after the fact...LOL...i hope that all makes sense!! It is sort of like when you are learning to drive a car....at first you are so aware of every little thing you have to do and how you do it....and then after while it all becomes second nature.

Physically I feel amazing!!! I look damn good too....and if you take that as being conceited...that is your problem LOL. Apart from the weight loss, my hair, nails and skin is so much better....I will be spoiling myself on my birthday with a nice manicure...YAYYYYY. I am loving how I have made it a priority each day to take care of myself and make myself look and feel great. Even if I am not going out of the house...I will always make sure I dress neatly and my hair looks good....LOLLLL...such a change LOL.

Emotionally I am.......lol I am searching for the perfect way to describe it and I am sitting here just smiling and chuckling with a blank mind LOL......ok...i would say I am in a GREAT place emotionally. I feel a deep calmness running through me.....even if something causes a bleep on my emotional richter scale....the underlying calm keeps me settled. Oh I am not saying I don't have spikes on the graph.....I do....it is just that they are very shortlived and don't cause a ripple effect of tidal waves crashing in my brain like it used to.

The key.....all along.....was alcohol. It was the one factor that linked all of the above...amazing.

I have had a glass of wine....tasted like SHIT!!!!....not worth it.
I have had a beer.....(see above)
I have had a scotch n dry....tasted good...and one was enough....this is going to be my weakness....or achilles heel if you will. However...I find it hard to justify spending $7.00 for a scotch n dry....when i can get a whole can of diet coke for $3.....LOLLLLLL.....and the only purpose it is all serving is to quench my thirst....pffffttt.....my wallet will always win LOLLLLLLL.

Plus....I disappoint myself if I drink booze....and I prefer to feel good and proud of myself!!!

Soooo....to summarise the journey so far....I reckon I have done well!!!!