74 days......still going so strong....

Well I am sitting here typing this with some amazement!!

Not to say that I doubted myself, but rather, I have surprised myself because the past week has been full of many many challenging situations. However, at no stage have I wanted a drink.

I have surprised myself because I have somehow managed to separate each event rather than having them all mixing up in my mind in a whirl of overwhelming emotions. I cannot remember a time ever in my life when this has been the case.

It is hard to put into words really. Suffice to say, I am actually aware of the need to care for my self in a way that protects my mind, body and soul, and as it is occurring I am marveling at how it feels.

The next few weeks are again going to be testing, and yet, I am ready to face whatever happens. I choose my battles now, and recognise that which I have no control over.

I need no luck, as I have confidence in myself at last!

59 dayssssssss.......not a drop to drink yay meeeeeeeeeee

Well here I am.....tomorrow is 60 days sober!!

I feel fantastic. Haven't felt tempted to take a sip, although was at a hotel a week ago at the bar to put a keno ticket on, and when the staff member came up...I almost asked for a chardy out of HABIT...LOLLLLLLL. not because I wanted one, but because it used to be the first words out of my mouth lol.

Adding to the pride I feel, I am now using a totally natural supplement daily which is totally AMAZING.

I have more energy, sleep better, feel happier, and best of all, due it this products anti inflammatory properties, have now weaned off Panadeine Forte to the point where I only need 2 at night before I go to bed. What an amazing thing considering up until last Xmas I was taking 10-12 (500mg tabs) per day!!!!

All in all life is going well. I am proud of myself, and loving life for the first time in years!!!

FRIDAY.....another week over

I am writing on a Friday instead of Monday this time.....and my language in this post is fairly abrupt and straight to the point!

Haven't even had one thought of drinking. Amazing. My life is too busy with planning, and goal setting and ticking off achievements.

I am realising that this is more than giving up alcohol, it is giving up  a mindset...and replacing it with a new one.

As I sort through events in my days, and the associated thoughts that accompany them, I find myself putting each one in either a 'Toss Out' box, A 'Keep' Box or a 'Sit It On the Shelf For Now' Box. I am de-cluttering my life.

I have no time for excuses...firstly from me and secondly from others. Bullshit does NOT have a place anymore. What other people do, say and think is NONE of my business, I really don't give a shit. Unless they are saying it TO me. And, if it falls into the 'bullshit' category...straight into the 'Toss Out' box it goes.

To put it in a vulgar sense, my arse is totally closed off from receiving ANY smoke which may be blown in that direction. I don't have time for wishy-washy blah blah blah anymore. I am busy. I am busy getting on with working on living.

My job is to make sure, I am healthy, happy, clear headed and focused on getting the MOST out of life. Not settling for 'almost' or 'nearly' any longer.

6 WEEKSSSSSSSSSSS........42 days.....still going strong :)

Well I have had a week full of FLU......YUCK.

I am starting to feel better, but really need to take it easy. The past two days I also noticed a pain in my side. During my last attempt of sobriety I developed Gall Bladder pain......and found out that it can be a common occurrence when stopping alcohol intake. Well it's back, no where near as severe as last time, but still uncomfortable. Fortunately my diet is full of healthy stuff. Fridge is full of veggies and fruit etc and I eat sensibly.

Over the weekend though, due to my feeling like absolute crap with this chest flu, I did consume pizza and a couple of pies which have obviously contributed to the gall bladder situation. I am determined to avoid surgery so my diet awareness is paramount. I am also drinking at least 1.5 litres of water with lemon slices each day, which is fantastic for flushing and hydrating the ole bod.

All in all I am extremely proud of myself for my 6 week achievement!!

And now as the flu symptoms are beginning to subside, my mood is once again bouncing back to a more acceptable level.  No one feels good when they are sick.

So as I begin week 7,  I am looking forward with a smile on my dial :)

35 days today!! Been an exciting week :)

5 weeks still going strong.

Yesterday was my birthday. 53 years old. And yes I did think about having 'just one glass'......BUT I chose not to. YAY MEEEEE :)

I considered which would feel better, being proud that I chose sobriety or feeling ashamed after having a glass and the ensuing justifications that I would throw around my mind and to others. Well...an easy choice when you think of it that way isn't it?

So I had a lovely lunch with a good friend, walked home in the freezing cold and then celebrated with a couple of Tim Tam biscuits and coffee. It was great!!

Earlier in the week I drove down to Warrnambool, to see the ocean. It was rough and rugged and absolutely beautiful, although I was amused at the amount of people choosing to chase invisible Pokemons around with their mobile phones rather than observe nature at its best. Oh well...to each their own I suppose. I have always been one to go out of my way to avoid bizarre new trends, which tends to lead to some rather fascinating responses from those who follow the masses. Seriously though, what is the big deal??

Of course I know what my problem is...I am OLDDDD.......LOL.....only in numerical terms however, my mind is stuck in my 40's and I like it there.

Usually I find an inspirational quote image to end with, however today, I am adding one of the photo's I took looking out over the ocean. It is a thing of beauty, the ocean whipped up by the winter winds, crashing against the rugged coastline....constantly moving and changing and affected by the forces of nature surrounding it....much like life.

4 weeks without a drop!

Hi, my name is Lee and I am an alcoholic. I have been sober for 4 weeks, which is 28 days!

AND I FEEL GREATTTTTTTTTTTTTTT.

25 dayssssssss.......awfully proud of myself :)

I am gliding along nicely. Have been to places that sell alcohol and not even thought about having any.

I have also decided that some things just aren't worth worrying about. Let it Be the Beatles sang and boy were they right. Sometimes it's difficult to jerk the thought patterns out of negative spaces and I accept that time and repetition will make this easier. After all, the more you do something, the more of an unconscious action becomes just that...an unconscious action.

I always try to remind myself that I am after all, only human and not some creature from another planet. I have human emotions and reactions just like anyone else and in this respect am not really special at all.

What does make me special though, is my individuality which for so very long I hated and mistrusted. Not anymore however. I embrace it. I admire it. I like it.

So I end the week on a high, despite the world revolving around me in turmoil. I am safe in the knowledge that I am growing and evolving rather than stuck in a place I didn't like. I am moving...FORWARD :)

19 Days....rewards are sweet

Yesterday was the first day I actually felt like a nice glass of chardonnay. I went through the 'process' as I call it. The thought process that is...

"Jeez I really would enjoy a glass of wine, just one."
"I know I would be satisfied with just one glass"
"I am going to meet Sandra at the Caledonian Hotel at 1, I could just buy a glass"
"One drink there wouldn't be that bad, I mean it's better than buying a bottle and bringing it home."
"But then I would have to sip it in front of her, and she knows I am off it."
"That would mean I would have to try and justify it, and start making pathetic excuses, which in turn would make me feel terrible."
"I know I am feeling this way because it is Friday and I will probably wake tomorrow morning with voice mails or texts from my ex partner, because he in fact will be drunk and despite me telling him not to contact me, I know he will."
"I know that if I do have one glass at the pub at lunchtime, I will then face an afternoon of thinking well that one drink didn't hurt, why not just buy one bottle."
"I need to think of positive things to stay on track."
"I'm starting to notice my clothes are less tight, yes this is good."
"I am looking forward to meeting her, and chatting."
"I love the cakes they have at the 'Cally, why don't I spoil myself with a chunk of something chocolate and hugely decadent, and a cappuccino...I haven't had a cappuccino for ages and I love coffee."
"I'm not overly hungry so I could just have the cake and coffee and it would be sort of naughty but good."
"Yes, that is what I will do."

 And so, when I arrived and sat down, I told her about my 'glass of wine' urge and why I felt it, and then, we both ordered coffee and cake and enjoyed a leisurely two hours of girlie chatting.

Was great, and I feel hugely satisfied with the whole day.

Two Weeks....Fourteen Days....I'm changing for the better.....In so many ways!

Today is the two week mark. I am sitting here smiling as I type because truly it has been so much easier than last time. I look around this cosy little  home I am making for myself and smile again. Okay this is partly because it is freezing and drizzling rain outside and I am here in the warm, but I can feel a greater heat coming from inside me.

I am liking who I am becoming. I mean if I bumped into me while out, as a stranger and started up a conversation. I believe I would recognise a person who has had many experiences and has a really secure hold on reality. I would like this person and want to get to know them better.

I have read pages and pages of inspirational writings, sat through hours and hours of discussion with psychologists over the years. Sometimes for help with personal problems and sometimes to learn how to understand successful management techniques when I was working. I have been bombarded with cliches by my Mother, Sister and many many friends, and must confess I have jumped on invisible soapboxes and quoted many  myself.

However, if I push all the 'talk' aside, and truly acknowledge my feelings, beliefs and actions, it seems that there has been a massive shift of gears in my mind, heart and soul. It's not unsettling this change, in fact it is comforting.

This time the fearful fog of doubt is missing from my way of thinking. The 'but what if's' are gone. For example, if I go out where alcohol is being served, I just don't want any. I don't care what other people do in their lives, that is their choice and I am under no obligation whatsoever to comply with anyone else's decisions or choices. Only my own and I like it. In fact I love it.

But it goes far deeper than just alcohol. It permeates throughout all of me. All of my choices are just that, mine and I recognise now that the exact second I consider obliging others in their choices, I can actually feel it. I can actually feel the change within me and I know now, where that can lead. It leads me away from myself and I don't want to do that, because I know I would miss me. I don't need to 'fit in' to other's worlds, I need only to be at peace in my own.

The 10th Day.....going well....feeling good

I decided to write today...instead of tomorrow. Tomorrow I have my first session with a grief counselor to address the upcoming anniversary of Dad's death.

It's been 4 years, and in that time I seem to have buried dealing with it fully in the day to day living experience. In hindsight, and this is purely conjecture on my part at this time, I stuck with living with 'familiar' things rather than totally confronting the newness and sadness of him no longer being alive.

I nearly wrote 'with me' then, but changed it because he will always be with me :)

This anniversary is actually one of the reasons I decided to stop drinking. I can remember how proud he was when I made my first attempt. Now I want to feel my own pride to honor his memory.

Strangely though, I am not feeling the 'sting' of needing a drink this time. 5 years ago it was soooo hard. This time it just feels more 'normal'. I feel more comfortable despite everything that is happening around me.

Rather than question this, I choose to just live it. I choose to enjoy it.