Mum used to always say..."Believe none of what you hear and only half of what you see"...now it appears the phrase was originally coined by Benjamin Franklin...however I don't have him sitting on my shoulder all the time LOL.
I now tend to relate this to spoken words matching body language when I am talking to people. But it wasn't until this week that I seemed to discover it's importance.
This week I experienced a sort of snapshot of this very occurence...which led to me going to the bar and ordering a diet coke (all the time willing it to be wine).
Lunch with the family at the local. I was looking forward to it as my great Neice's and Nephews would be there. As usual there were people there who are regulars and a few of them commented on my weight-loss, which of course is the BEST feeling!
My Sister, who is a veritable butterfly in the dining area, was fluttering from one table to another catching up with people. I was enjoying a indepth convo with the kids when she came back to our table and said to me, "I was just talking to (unamed couple), they called me over to find out if you are okay because you have lost so much weight. I told them yes, she stopped drinking" (as she gestured with her hand as if she had a glass in it and was drinking). She then went on to add "They thought you may have been sick...you know..." (tapping her temple with her finger).
My response was to smile and say, "I am always fascinated by how people always think the worst or something bad". My sister, "well I don't think it was negative, she is a compassionate person and only showing concern".
I then went on to finish lunch and then walk into the bar. I couldn't figure out why I needed a drink and then when I realized I was craving one, I knew I had to find out why. I knew it started after the convo with my sister...so I kept playing it back over and over.
I recognised that my whole tone of voice and body language changed which made me realise on some level something was wrong, out of balance if you will. What had made me react so strongly?
Was it what she said? I was inwardly rolling my eyes at her love of grapevine chatter...and after receiving comments like "wow, lookin good...howd ya do it?" during the half hour prior, the whole re-enactment of her conversation prompted a 'ahh yes there is always one' sort of response in me.
Was it her tone of voice? No there was no unusual inflections that stood out to me.
Was I being overly sensative? 'Well I have been becoming more and more annoyed at the gossip level about me in town...and my sisters healthy participation in this type of behaviour. Hmm...but my reaction was out of proportion with all that. It was something else...
Was it how she acted while she said it...body language? As soon as I asked myself this I could see it clearly. The fact that she had to gesture 'drinking' and then tap her head in the 'international symbol of crazy' way as she spoke stood out like the proverbial dog's balls.
I felt shocked, dismayed, angry, confused, scared all at once. Why would she do that? Body language never lies...is this how she really feels?...does she think I am a nutcase? but goes around telling people how proud she is of me?...Does she do this all the time? Has she always done it? I had a million questions in my head and still do. The first one I want to ask is 'does she realise she is doing it?'
Now all I have to do is find the best way to get the answer.
No comments:
Post a Comment